is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
