At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
