I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
