he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
