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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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