the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
