My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
