Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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