i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
