I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She bit a glass in half.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
