What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
