god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
