Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
