happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
