I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Rumble strips road head = magical
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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