I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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