Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
