I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
