Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
