Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
