so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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