The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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