do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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