Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
