Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Man, jail baloney is awful.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
