I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
