Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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