Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
