You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
