Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
