i already hear my dad disowning me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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