I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
