if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
