what if every blade of grass was a penis?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
