I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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