look no pants
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was like eating out sand paper
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
