Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
