so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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