you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
