Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
