I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
