her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
