So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
