Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
