Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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