you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
