Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
