She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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