I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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