Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
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Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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