Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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