ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
