I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
