No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
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I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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