That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize