Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
