if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
