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• (352): View more from Florida

  Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"

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• (210): View more from Texas

  It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  You fed me pizza off a sword last night.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?

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• (813): View more from Florida

  That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Update: He still has devil magic genitals.

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