i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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