so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.