whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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