The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
