therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
