You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
