turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
