I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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