Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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