you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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