dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
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We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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