I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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