She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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