i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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