Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
