do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
