trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
