i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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