Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
