do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
