Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
