It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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