i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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