we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
